The Return (February 2004 – March 2005)
Warning: This poem is full of clichés and abstractions. Do not try this at home.
The poem #09
Shredded
Shredded papers
in a basket,
beside a shredding machine,
beside another
empty seat. Who
will notice them?
The story behind this poem
This poem is actually about unemployment. At that point, one of my good friends was fired from his company that he had been working for the past 10 years. Reason being the company was in the process of restructuring and suddenly my friend’s job became redundant. His service was no longer required. As simple as that.
I am still experimenting with short poems.
8 comments:
I thought this was actually quite a nice poem, but maybe you need to make it just a little more obvious that this poem is about someone who has been retrenched.
You could consider using one of the following words/phrases somewhere in the poem, or perhaps even as the title:
Redundant
clean desk
Casualty
empty drawer
yup.. din noe it's abt retrenchment until u say leh :P
thot maybe machine tat wasn't in use anymore...
I have to agree with Gilbert. This is a nice poem. Keep writing, you may go far.
just a suggestion,hor.
write in free verse using lots of white space to give a feel of desolation and space.
like e.e.cummings (hehehe i know u don't like him!)
Thanks for your feedback Gilbert. Luckily I didn’t really erase my old poems from the surface of the Earth.
I will give it some fine-tuning and submit it to Alvin’s TPB. Try my luck. Heh. ;P
Thanks for the encouragement anonymous. :)
I am glad to know that you like this poem. I hope to go far too.
~I very thick-skinned hor~
Thanks for the suggestion dsnake1. By the way how do you know I don't like e.e.cummings?
Don't worry panda, it is my fault that my poem is not precise enough to my readers.
I need to work harder. :)
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